Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
