Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
