after a month anything with tits is on the radar
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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