no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
