I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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