Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
