Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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