Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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