I'm sorry my penis didn't work
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
