the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
