You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
