One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
My bed smells like the plague
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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