my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
