I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
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