I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
