You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
