I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
