enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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