Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
