I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
