I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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