and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
