Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
