Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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