I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
