You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
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Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
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Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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