oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
