Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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