Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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