508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
