No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
True college students do jello shots in the library
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
