I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
