He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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