4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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