Is it normal to miss your booty call?
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
You're a waste of cheezeits
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
