im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
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