is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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