I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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