Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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