no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
