You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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