right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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