Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
