Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I'm at about main and main street
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize