dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
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