Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
