Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
