they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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