I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
How external is "for external use only"?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
