We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
