So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
