If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
