The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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