I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Randomize
