can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
