The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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