I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
