How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
