he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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