Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
