he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
It was confusing and full of hummus
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
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