eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i just google imaged poop.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
You ruined the universe
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
