I can tuck mytits in my pants
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
