Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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