I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
