I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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