I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
