Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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