I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
