I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
